How to make life less stressful.
We humans frequently suffer from an overwhelming sense of dread about life. Being ‘good at life’ is this nebulous and looming pressure that seems to follow us wherever we go.
It all feels very black and white in our heads: life can be done right or wrong, we can succeed or fail and we can make it worthwhile, or waste it away. When we view life as such, uncertainty becomes a fucking nightmare. We want guaranteed financial stability, fulfilment, love, social life and contentment. Guaranteed success at life.
It’s as if we all want our own individual pocket-sized fortune teller to help us find our identity and lead us to greatness. That way we wouldn’t need to feel so sad, lost and insignificant. But alas, we do not have such a thing, so instead, we spend a lot of time looking for the answers of how to master the art of living life.
A couple hundred years ago, the societal belief was that religion provided us with life’s answers.
Who am I? (Fill in X religion) How do I live a meaningful life? Simply learn the stories, follow the rules and bob’s your uncle, fanny’s your aunt. You can rest assured that come judgement day, the Boss will open up those pearly gates of heaven and you can live happily ever after in paradise.
It’s not, however, the ticket to euphoric immortality alone that makes belonging to a religion feel purposeful; it’s what comes with it. The routine, the commitment to a ready-made world view, the shared goals of a large community, the validation and reassurance of that community, and a clear-cut set of guidelines on how to lead a fulfilling life.
It is only within relatively recent history that the west has become a secular society (a society where we are not subject to, or bound by religious rule), and when we feel at a loss of what to do with our lives, we naturally want to cling onto structure and certainty, making the clarity and routine of a life strictly devoted to religion seem rather inviting. Given that the Western world is unlikely to return to its previously theocratic style of rule, us anxiety-ridden humans have had to find other, similarly clear-cut ways of life to fill the boots that strict religion once monopolised.
Diet culture, for example, is, in many ways, a cousin to extremist religious culture. It too offers a black and white rule book that simplifies life’s nuance. What is your purpose? The pursuit of aesthetic perfection! Who are you? Well, with the guidance of Noom, Weight Watchers and Slimming World, you’ll be the glowing epitome of health and beauty. You’ll be the fit one, the one with willpower, the thin one. Life will naturally fall into place once you’ve cracked becoming small, hot and ‘detoxified’.
The meal plans and recipe books are the holy scriptures, and the weekly meetings to discuss each other’s ‘progresses’ and ‘failures’, are the services and gathering at the places of worship. I mean, Slimming World literally calls foods deemed ‘unhealthy’ ‘SINS’, dropping a cheeky reference for all the guilty Catholics out there (note: no food is more unhealthy than a fucked up relationship with it).
Again, in line with extremist religious culture, diet culture is all too easy to believe and buy into due to its presence in society. Just as some people lead their lives through the lens of worshipping and glorifying a higher power, modern media and society see through the lens of worshipping and glorifying thinness. Rather than entry into the pearly gates of heaven, diets promise the attainment of the thin ideal, which is of course, a perfect equivalent; as both symbolise success, good behaviour and happiness.
Cults operate in a very similar way (omg really?!). Like both diet culture and extreme religious culture, they provide access to a tight-nit, likeminded community with a shared goal. Think like us, and you will be safe. They all benefit from our fear of the unknown. Many people join extreme religious groups after a traumatic event, or mental health struggle, finding comfort in a definite world-view. Diet culture scoops up the insecure by telling them that it’s their imperfect bodies that are the source of their problems, and convinces them that the route to a perfect body will guide them to a perfect life. Creepy Scientology recruitment posters love to ask us how anxious we feel, and how lost or scared of the future we are, because that way, they can hook vulnerable people in with the promise of stability and certainty.
Again, it’s keeping life simple, certain and stable: Stick to the rules, and you will be rewarded. You may have to donate your life savings, but what’s that for eternal paradise?! (Unless you belong to Heaven’s Gate cult, in which case your reward is group suicide for the good of mankind. Sorry xxx)
To go further with this comparison, people often fall victim to eating disorders in the pursuit of certainty. The clarity of being forced into a strict daily regime centred around food, exercise and body simplifies day to day life. The black and white intrusive thoughts, regardless of how punitive they may be, and the illusion of control over your body, helps block out life’s tumultuous ups and downs. It doesn’t matter that you feel lost and confused about what career to pursue, that you don’t have a fulfilling social life, or any thriving passions; because you have your goal and you are set on it. The eating disorder voice could be likened to the voice of a persecutory high power. One that you worship and obey at all costs, in fear of what might happen if you don’t.
When life is scary, uncertain and full of grey areas we can’t control, it’s easy to be tempted into trying to secure our fate by following a set out plan to a T. But (without sounding too wanky) by doing this, we run the risk of closing ourselves off from the fruits of the unknown. If we lock ourselves up in a tiny room of certainties, whether that be through a stable, but unsatisfying job, a degree we don’t really enjoy, an unhappy relationship, or a full blown cult (0-100, I know), we don’t get to try out the things we don’t know, which could be so much better.
