Hustle culture and finding your purpose.

Our idea of success and achievement is to always be doing. Doing, making, selling, buying, producing, earning, growing, losing (weight), gaining (money), building, monetising, profiting, striving, pushing… everything-ing. Thanks to capitalism, which has managed to inject its money-driven values so far into our blood stream, that we now mistake them for our own.

MUST MAKE MONEY. MUST GRIND. MUST BE SOMEONE. MUST HUSTLE.

By the time you’ve reached the ripe old age of 16, if you don’t have some sort of side hustle, haven’t written a breakthrough hit song, or haven’t even learnt how to invest your monthly allowance in stocks and shares, then…I mean, you are behind, a bit of a waste of space, and only have yourself to blame when your lack of motivation and financial ambition leads you to destitution. (All fun and games until you remember this is the thought process of most Tory MPs in the country…lol, satire is dead)

Social media’s highlight reel has aided capitalism in morphing our perception of what a meaningful, successful and purposeful life actually looks like. I only have to go so far as open my phone for a mere 5 minutes before bumping into multiple 18 year olds showing off their mortgage, never-ending wardrobe and free holiday at Disney World, which makes it pretty fucking hard keep one’s life in perspective. My brain forgets that 99.99% of 18 year olds are not living that lucrative, influencer lifestyle, and that the 0.01% of them that are, are actually spending the vast majority of their time changing in and out of outfits and dancing in front of their phones. But even when I know this rationally, I still sigh, sulk at the state of my life and wish I was them, leaving me with a bitter dissatisfaction with who I am and what I do, because surprise, surprise, I will never be, or be doing, enough.

I feel an intense pang of jealousy and panic whenever I witness anyone even vaguely within my age range succeeding at almost anything. Toxic trait? Oui madame. Insecure? Absolument. I find it hard to go to the cinema without looking up the age of the cast and crew afterwards and analysing how far behind in life I am in comparison. (FYI Florence Pugh was fucking 20 when she starred in the award winning Lady Macbeth so we can all feel depressed together, you’re welcome).

I mean I can’t be the only one who gets triggered by the fact that about half of the England football team is younger than me…Jude Bellingham is 19…

“Oh my god what the fuck, what have I done with my life? Nothing Rachael, absolutely shit-all is what you’ve done, you’ve wasted your precious time and now look, here you are watching someone 3 years younger than you, making a shit-ton of money, living his dream, and being admired and respected by all of his heroes. Nice one Rachael, you should’ve tried harder.”

(A direct quote from my inner monologue, despite the fact that I never have, or ever will, have the desire to be an international football player).

Whilst, yes, I may just be exposing my toxic traits, I know that this ridiculous comparison trap is so common right now.

It’s because capitalism has taught us that purpose = productivity and achievement (read: money and success according to capitalists). As a result, the search for meaning and purpose in life has become a fucking pressure cooker, fuelled by our fear of failure. It thrives off of our jealousy, because when we’re jealous, we are more likely to spend our money in order to obtain what we feel we’re lacking. That’s literally what adverts and brand deals and product promotions are for. To make us jealous. The capitalist system needs us to feel inadequate, because that way, we are driven to maintain a hamster-wheel lifestyle of constant self-improvement, like we’re devices that need updating and upgrading every 2 months.

Just like diet culture insists our bodies can always be healthier, fitter and more visually appealing, capitalist culture insists our lives can always be bigger, better and more exciting.

It’s not that self-improvement as a concept is wholly bad, there are a hell of a lot of people in the world that need to do a hell of a lot of work on themselves. And, of course, to a certain extent money, or financial stability is required in order to live a fulfilling and enjoyable life. What is bad, however, is the toxic, hyper masculine place this desire to improve oneself comes from, which is from a place of comparison and self-loathing. The non-existent finish line is the other danger to the self-improvement mindset. There will always be something to fix, an itch to scratch, because our environment will never allow us to feel content with who we are and what we have.

This idea that we have to hustle in order to be ‘worthy’ human beings with a ‘worthy’ purpose is bullshit. You are a worthy human because you’re alive - congratulations. Even the idea that our purpose needs to be ‘found’ or obtained in some way is completely wrong. Purpose doesn’t actually have anything to do with productivity, and contrary to capitalist belief, it’s not measurable.

Your purpose is the relationships you nurture, the values you hold and live by, the conversations you have, your hobbies, your political beliefs, your social life, your points of view, your creativity, how you make people feel. All of which can be lost in the desperate, tunnel vision scramble for your all-important raison d’être. Ironic, no?

So, whilst free trips to Disney World and a whopping cheque from GymShark every month feels like paradise with your name on it, remember that life doesn’t need to be won, life needs to be lived.  So relax, take your time, and enjoy what is instead of chasing what isn’t. (Note to self).